作业打开和日子方法一向是雅思高文文的要点论题。

Some people think young people should be free to choose their jobs, but other people think they should be realistic and think more about their future. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

有人说年青人有选择任何作业的安适，但有人认为他们在求职时大约更实际些、多思考自个的将来。你附和哪一种观念？

雅思高文文批改典范 6分

01首段

Nowadays, there is a debate among people about whether the youth should choose their careers freely or be cautious and realistic about their jobs. This passage will discuss both of views and give my own opinion.

02主体段一

On the one hand, someone suggest that young people should try different jobs rather than find a specific job instantly in order to find areas suitable to them, because doing an unsuitable occupation would pose negative influence on（留心此处介词是on） people’s mental and physical health.

Furthermore, as the development of society, a number of new occupations in different fields have been created,

which（非限制性定语从句常用which引导，不要用that）means that more and more young people could devote themselves to new fields without related knowledges.

（为啥跟着新作业越来越多，我们可以在没有有关常识的情况下投身新的领域，这个没有解阐理解，因而逻辑上有点牵强，此外主张最终大约回归到观念上来得出我们可以安适选择作业，这样愈加扣题，可以改为Choosing a profession of one’s preference makes work very interesting and also provides satisfaction. Making one’s own choice also gives a sense of ownership and responsibility. Individuals are more likely to strive to achieve excellence in a profession they like. ）

03主体段二

On the other hand, other people support that young people should be realistic and think twice before they involve in jobs. Because amount of pressures, like house-loan, car-loan, are put on the youth in modern world, as the result they cannot make rash decisions but measure every potential consequence behind their choices and decisions.

It is obvious that people who find a decent and satisfied job early can take advantage of the career advancement, medical treatment and children education since they gain experience and make money early.

（take advantage of意为使用，这句话作者想表达找到体面作业的人可以使用作业打开、医疗和儿童教育，因为他们在前期获得了经历并赚了钱，不理解作者想表达啥意思，前期的经历和观念中的realistic联络不可直接，因为就算不realistic也能堆集作业经历。主张it后边的语句和换为：

Almost everybody has a dream job in his youth age, but there may be a huge gap between the knowledge one has in one field and the skills or knowledge a job requires.

Some young people spare no efforts to strive for a job beyond their real ability, which is no more than a waste of time. But getting a more realistic job may in stead accelerate their success and help them achieve a better future.

这样的证明更合理一些。）

04结束

In my opinion, it seems reasonable for young people to choose their jobs freely as they can, undergraduates in particular, have easier access to diversified courses rather than specialties at universities.

For instance, the related courses in fields of AI, data analysis and self-driving are hardly set at universities yet, so many well-done participants who do（留心主谓共同，主语为复数） not have related experience or degrees are attracted by those fields.

However, young people should specialize in particular areas after they choose their own areas, so that they could make devotions in daily life but not（可替换为rather than） waste their lifetime by transferring jobs constantly.

· 写作使命回答：

文章根柢上回答了写作使命，论说了年青人是大约安适选择作业仍是大约根据实际情况和将来打开来选择，思路比照清楚，可是证明的深度和扣题度还可以再前进一些。

· 联接与联接：

文章的联接性与联接性一般，可以多运用一些标志性的联接词，比方在标明后一句是前一句的成果可以用as a result/therefore等等这样的联接词，让条理愈加清楚，举多个观念的时分可以用in addition/apart from that等等词组告诉别人接下来要说的是另一个方面了，一起内容上，与观念联络不大的内容翰墨可以花少一点，前进言语的简练度，扣题要直接，最终疑问的回归点要为观念效能。

· 词汇与语法：

文章呈现了一些语法和词汇差错，比方主谓纷歧致，固定分配运用不当等等，单个单词拼写差错以及语句成分不无缺。

· 前进主张：

作者可以恰当地举一些比方或许添加比照的办法来添加文章的证明深度，一起证明的时分要留心点题，此外削减一些简略的语法差错，前进精确度。